Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
