i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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