You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
