Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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