Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize