No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
please don't ironically join a cult
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