I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
