Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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