what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
