I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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