I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
