dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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