toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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