have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize