You really coming over, don't trick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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