Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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