never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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