Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
