Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
