you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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