im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
