I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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