@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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