I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need a burrito and a hug.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
