I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
