Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
