Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
