If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
worst night to have a conscience
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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