omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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