Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
