she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
