the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
