my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize