the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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