She is in my trunk
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
