He uses pillows to masturbate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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