shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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