I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You took a bar mat shot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
