even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
