Im at strip club and am horny
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
