But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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