Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
