i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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