she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
