We're like a lot better than the average bears
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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