I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
