she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
