Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
