Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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