First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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