Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He felt like a one man threesome
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
