Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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