You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
