The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
