allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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