I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
