I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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