I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
