Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Someone came in the potted fern
I still have a little drunk in my system
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
