I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dick very happy bro
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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