I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
