I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
