I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
