4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im holly from the hills drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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