I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
