i barfeds in our rink
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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