I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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