life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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