I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
