I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
