The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
