GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
